I wish it
wasn’t so hard for me to write this blog prompt, but I’m finding it incredibly
difficult. I’ve always had this crippling fear of getting in trouble or
embarrassing myself, and by speaking my mind I felt I would always end up doing
one or the other. I could talk about one of the times that I went to the animal
shelter and played with all the animals or other volunteer work I’ve done, but
that’s something I enjoy doing because I like to help; it’s not too out of my
comfort zone. I think the hardest thing I’ve ever had to struggle with was last
spring when I didn’t speak up and I wasn’t an activist.
In the
spring of my freshman year here at LSU one of my good friends committed
suicide. I may never know exactly why he did what he did, but I do know he came
to talk to me about a certain issue he always came to me about and I kind of
blew him off. I tried to just side step all his issues and make jokes out of
everything. Instead of speaking my mind and helping him like I usually did I
just skirted around it because I wasn’t in the mood for it. I know that what he
did wasn’t my fault, I’ve come to terms with that, but I always wish I could
have done more. I know there were so many other factors in play that made him
feel the need to do what he did, but if I would have been more of an activist
and spoken up and helped him through what he was talking to me about maybe
things would be different.
I'm very sorry for your loss. This story is inspirational to me and gives me motivation to be more active in reaching out to those who are suicidal and need someone to talk to. Everything happens for a reason and God holds everything in His hands.
ReplyDeletei'm very sorry for your loss, lauren. just to reaffirm what you said--there is probably not much that you could have done or said to stop your friend from doing what he did. most people who commit suicide are pretty far beyond the point of getting help by the time they actually go through with it. i know this because my mother committed suicide when i was 10.
ReplyDeletei can empathize with you on this issue, and i cannot say enough times--do not blame yourself or feel even the slightest bit at fault for what happened. just be comforted by the fact that your friend is no longer hurting & he is in a better place now. i know it's a tough pill to swallow--i felt like i lost my best friend when i lost my mom. & because of the situation, i am a much stronger person, as i'm sure you are as well.
<3 love.